Once upon a time in Mandarin

Okay, a few weeks ago, I had these skittles, and being the nice person I was, I decided to share them. So I gave a couple to Shaun, a couple to Mina, and I tried to give some to ching, but she grabbed them, and I was like, "HEY, let go of my candy." and she was like, "No, they're mine." so I pulled them away from her, but then she dug her nails into my hand, and I was like, "OWW" but being the sexy piece of man that I was, I withstood the pain. and we were like that for like 5 minutes, with her nails digging into my hand. Then, I pulled hard on them to try to get them out of her hand, and I got them out, and she was like, "Give me my skittles, give it to me" and I was like, "NO, I'm not giving you my candy, I'm not giving it to you." Then Mina started cracking up and I was like, "What's so funny", and she was like, "All of the sexual innuendos in this." and I, with my innocent mind, said, "What innuendos?" and she was like, "You not 'giving it to her'" then I started cracking up too, and then I really hammered in all the innuendos. Then ching got pissed and like left the room, so I was like, "Whats up with ching?" So then I felt bad, and kind of scared for my life, so when she came back in, I gave her my skittles, but made her share with Mina. And I thought ching was PISSED at me. But a few days ago, it turned out that she thought I stole her skittles, and I was like, "WHAT?!??!!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE PISSED AT ME!!" So then, she said that she would give me a bag of skittles to make up for it. So then I was like, sure. But to this day, I STILL DON'T GOT MY SKITTLES.

Jawbreakers

Ok, Me and andrew went to the center today right? and we went to candy castle. Andrew bought a soft serve, and I bought a Jawbreaker. And I was like, HOW AM I GOING TO EAT THIS WITHOUT IT BEING AWKWARD?!?!??!? and I did that for like 10 minutes. Then we called mina and were like, "Do you know how to suck balls?" and she was like, "WHAT?!?!?" then I was like, "My big yellow balls. My jawbreaker. Is there any way to eat it without looking homo?" and she was like, "nope, there isn't have fun" and im like, "DAMN IT"

The center part II.

Ok, also in the same day, we ran into jillian with kati, WHOM I HATE, and some other goth girl. and like me and kati HATE eachother. it was something about me and andrew doing windows and walls way back in the day. so we HATE eachother, and they're goth, so im freaked out cause i thought she would suddenally like pull out a switchblade and stab me. i thought she would fucking stab me. I hate all goth kids, and all scene kids. cause goth kids freak me out cause i think they're going to shank me or something, and scene kids are just douche bags cause they look goth but aren't so i hate them too.

The Ruining of the Asian Handshake

YES I'm STILL PISSED ABOUT IT, CAUSE IT WAS ANCIENT, ANCIENT!!!!!! The story is from the mall. I had to go take like the biggest crap, so I went to take it. AND THAT SHIT WAS HUGE. Like giving birth out of your ass. And then, like you know how you just keep on wiping, and there's still that crap stain on it? So I was like, "WHERE IS IT COMING FROM?!?!?!" So then finally, I took my crap birth, and wiped the never ending crap. And when I came back I was like, "So anything happen?" and they were like "Why were you in there so long?" and I was like, "I had to take a crap." and they were like, "Are you sure? Cause we thought you were jacking it" and I was like, "AHHHHHHHHHHH OMG NOOOO NO NO" And I was spazzing like that for a good 8 minutes. And that's the story of the POISONING of the Asian Handshake.

Energy Drinks

Today, I got this energy drink called like XS and I was scared to drink it cause it had like 4900% of vitamin b12 and I was afraid that I would OD on it luckily I didn't die but I became sleepy after it. This was really disappointing because I expected to be really hyper, but i wasn't. It was like disappointment in a can.

A while ago, I bought a can of monster. And normally I'm able to hold my sugar well, but with monster, it was weird. Like my right foot started twitching, and I had like an urge to start running...somewhere. Don't really know where, just wanted to like run somewhere.

The Mall Part 2

A certain SOMEONE, AHEM!!!!! RUINED THE ASIAN HANDSHAKE. That certain SOMEONE COUGHCOUGHMINACOUGHCOUGHCOUGH. POISONED IT and KILLED IT, THEN RAPED ITS DEAD BODY, WITH A STRAP ON!!!! AND ANAL LUBE. And THAT person COUGHMINACOUGH SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF. That asian handshake was ANCIENT. AND SHE MASSACRED IT. *Clap Clap* Great job, ASS FUCK!!!!!! YEAH THATS RIGHT, cause you ass-fucked the asian handshake. And I KNOW you're going to be reading this, and YOU BETTER NOT BE LAUGHING!!!! *Sniff Sniff* not funny :(

Random 2

Michael Jackson was pretty good, before he became white.

This week is going to blow

This week is going to SUCK. Mandarin Test Monday, English quiz and Math quiz Tuesday, Science test Thursday, 3/4 year test Friday. Not to mention a chinese essay and the Climate Change Project. IT ALL SUCKS.

The Day Extra Credit Saved my Life

Ok, I got a 79.9 in science, and she doesn't round so that was technically a C+, and when I say it I was like AWWW FUCK AWWWW FUCK, my parents are going to Kung-Fu my ass, but then I remembered about extra credit so I was like, OHHHHH LOOOOORD, please, I know I call you non-existent and a total joke, but if you can give me a B-, I might believe you a bit more than none." And i got a 13/20 on my extra credit so I was like, "Aww damn, I hope this thing counts." And that entire week I was like freakin' out cause I'm like, "PLEASE NOT A C+". Finally, on Thursday I got my report card, B-, and I'm like OHHH THANK GOD!!!!!" And you know what I got? 80.1 Extra credit Fucking SAVED MY LIFE.

Some Insightful Shit

My big bro has a website, and I just looked on it and found something that I think really means something

====================================================================================
Around the holidays, I tend to have some time to muse over the past year. As much as I joke about how old I’m getting, I realize that year by year, I’m only scratching the surface on life.

Experience, I find, is a double edged sword. You learn the most when you make mistakes. The cost is of course, whatever you’ve lost. Sometimes these costs are monetary — maybe you make a bad investment. Other times, the costs are human — you lose a friend because they’ve had enough of your shit. Either way, the important thing is to take away the lesson, lest you make the same mistake in the future and pay the cost again. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t learn this until I repeated one.

So this year, my resolutions are simple:

1. Learn from my mistakes.
2. Take nothing for granted.

At the end of the day, life is too short. With just a tick of the clock, the year 2009 will begin and I’ll only have 11 more days before I turn 21, 20 days until the first major business plan of my life is due, and 5 months remaining of my college years. There is no time to waste on repeated mistakes and everything I have must be cherished.

P.S. Gummy Vites are so delicious it’s hard not to OD on these things.
===================================================================================

Those will be my new years resolution too.

btw, the back of my head is like graying, its kind of creepy. it means im getting old, lol.

Boredom

Theres probably going to be a lot of these, cause I get bored really easily.



Lyrics:
2 tablespoons of cinnammon,
And 2 or 3 egg whites
a half a stick of butter
melt it

Stick it all in a bowl,baby
stir it with a wooden spoon
mix in a cup of flour,
you'll be in heaven soon

Say everybody have you seen my balls
they're big and salty and brown!!
If you ever need em' quick,
pick me up
just stick my balls in your mouth

OOOHH!!

Suck on my chocolate salty balls,
stick 'em in your mouth and suck 'em
Suck on my chocolate salty balls,
they're packed full of vitamins and good for you,
So suck on my balls!!

Quarter-cup of unsweetened chocolate
and a half a cup of brandy
And throw in a bag or two of sugar
and just a pinch of vanilla
Grease up the cookie sheet,
'cause I hate when my balls stick,
then preheat the oven to three-fity,
and give that spoon a lick!!!!

Say everybody have you seen my balls
they're big and salty and brown!!
if you ever need em' quick, pick me up
Just stick my balls in your MOUTH!!!

Suck on my chocolate salty balls
put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em
suck on my chocolate salty balls
they're packed full of goodness,
high in fiber!!
suck on my balls

sniff sniff sniff
Hey, wait a minute,
what's that smell?
smell like somethin burnin

Well that dont bother me none
as long as i get my rent paid on friday
Baby you better get back in the kitchen,
cause I gotta sneak in suspicion

oh man baby,
baby,
you just burnt my balls!!!!
HELP ME!!
MY BALLS ON FIRE!!
HELP ME BABY, MY BALLS ARE BURNIN'!!
GET ME SOME WATER!!
POUR SOME WATER ON ME!!
MY BALLS ARE BURNIN'!!
OH MY GOODNESS!!
BLOW ON EM', BLOW ON EM'
DO SOMETHIN!!

Oooh

suck on my chocolate salty balls
put em' in your mouth and suck em
THEY ON FIRE BABY!!

Suck on my chocolate salty balls
BLOW EM OUT BABY!!
OH!
SUCK ON MY BALLS, BABY!!!
SUCK ON MY BALLS, BABY!!

SUCK ON MY RED HOT, SALTY, CHOCOLATE BALLS!!!
COME ON BABY!!
WHOO!! WHOO!!
Suck on my balls!!!!!

The Mall

Ok, Me andrew emma mina and jillian went to the mall. and like they went into delias right? and me and andrew were like, it can't be THAT bad. yeah, we were wrong. as soon as we walked in, this weird storekeeper was like, "hi boys" and we were just like, "woah, that was weird". And we were the ONLY dudes in there. and like all the women were staring at us going like,"really? are they really in here?" And like the entire time we were in there we were just like, dont look at any clothes, just look at the floor, ceiling, hot girl, or empty wall. And then emma mina and jillian went into the dressing room and we were just like, "NO not in there" so we left and were like, "food court". Then andrew had to leave and i was left alone with them, they went into 344 and i was just like, "and thats my cue to leave". Later they went into wet seal and i was like, "ARE YOU SERIOUS!??! I'm out, food court time"

Random

I got a toilet plunger with the handle in the shape of a dildo. NO JOKE.

Got Lost During Practice

Ok, this time I was at Frisbee practice and we were running like 3 miles, and of course i couldn't keep up, so I got tired and then they like left me behind. So I was like, "FUCK, I'm BONED" so then I kept on running, and then I got REALLY lost, so then I was like, "DOUBLE BONED". so i kept running and I found out where I was so then I went to the res because i thought they might be there, then I went to bridge cause they weren't at the Res so I was like "BRIDGE", but they weren't there either, so then I was like "FUCK, STILL BONED" so then I was like "FUCK THIS SHIT, I'm DITCHING THIS" so then I went back to LHS hoping they weren't there so I could sneak in and get my stuff, but then when I went up the stairs they were there so I was like "FUCK". Then we did suicide sprints up loring hill, but the good news is I didn't have to do 50 suicide push ups. Bad news, my left ass cheek hurts.

Photographic Memory

I found out I've got a photographic memory, well sort of, I think. Because I was in history again, and we just got the FRP, and I was already done with like everything, so I was goofing off talking to people. Then Mr. Bluto came over and was like, have you finished reading it, and I was like yeah then he was like have you memorized it, and of course I haven't but I had to say I did so I said yeah. So he took the paper and was like, "What was the 4th word in the last column?" and I was like picturing it in my mind and I said," Citation". and he was like "No, it isn't", but then I was like, "If you include friday then it is", then he looked back on the paper and was like, "Hey, yeah it is" and then a Taylor was like "LAMBERT!!!" then Taylor asked me what the 32nd word from the end was, and then this time I had no clue, then my homie Tidor sliped me the answer, and then I said it and he was like "Nu-uh" and then Tidor told him that it was and then taylor was like, "LAMBERT!!! YOU ARE GOD!!!" and I was like "HELLS YEAH I AM!"

Big Pen

Ok I got 3 stories about my big pen.

In history class once, I was bored so I whipped out my big pen, and im sitting next to a bunch of girls right? and they're all like, "OMG THAT PEN IS SO BIG AND CUTE!!!" and the girl next to me took my big pen. Then next thing you know, like 3 girls, are fighting over my pen, and all the while, I'm sitting back in my chair going like, "Yeah, It's THAT good."

Next I was in Mandarin class, and once again I took out my big pen, and I'm sitting next to a girl, and she like stares at the big pen and is like, "WOW, that pen is BIG." and I'm like "Yeah, I know it"

Finally, I lost the spring for my pen cause it like exploded in my hand and I'm like "FUCK, my pen is broken!" so then I decided that if i can't use it then theres no point to keep it around so I gave it too a girl whom I know will use it to the best. Now it's in a better place, namely, up a girls vagina, BUT NOT ASSHOLE, NO ASSHOLE. YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!

Purpose

This is to put all the funny antic dotes about my life, and to put random stuff when I'm bored, and to put stuff that I think or some insightful stuff I find, just whatever I feel can help people who read this, make people happy, or help people understand their own lives.